MEnUs fur Togetherness

This is a special Blogville OoWaC post for all the fur-buddies who are pairing up in anticipation of the Heart 2 Heart ball over at the Mayorz Pad Blogville City Offices tomorrow!!!

Now then, it does appear that a great many of the pawticipants have managed to make partnerships for the dance (some of those thanks to Ruby yenta-extraordinaire) and the Mayor Doods were concerned that there may be some who might take things too flippantly.  Thus, they requested a post on what might be done to ensure the best pawsible outcomes.

MINEFIELD DOODS!!!!! Well of course. Where else to start but at the 'getting together' bit itself... (You would be advised at this point to revisit Boffin Bertie's report on the science of this part.)

It has to be admitted that the majority ingredients involved in this are a bit of a masala; whilst many herbs and spices may be available, it is not always the best idea to blend the entire lot. Else you end up with tamasha... somehow or other though, majority cooks turn out decent dishes and it is amazing the variety which can be achieved with basically the same ingredients.

One, (and probably the most important), of the things which must first be decided when two hearts are seeking to 'dine', is exactly what kind of meal is wanted.

MEnU fur One
This is not such an odd thing as you may think. Some folks are just singular types and despite some gettings togethers now and then, it is never going to change. They will look for companions who have an interest in the event in paw. Tomorrow is not thought about. Unless of course the event is a two or three-dayer.  Even then, the choice may still be to keep the air between the furs and just enjoy the moment.  If both are reading from the same recipe book, all is good. (This is aided if you are good at the first contact etiquette - see Addi and Oreo's page for pawnters to this.) Difficulties can arise when one or other (or quite likely both) are not reading the signals properly and this can include rogue ingredients contaminating the kadhi (that comes out something like 'curry').  This is not to turn into a biology lesson though, so will just say that here, again, one must beware not to land in a stramash. (yes different but same to same... language is like that...)

Main ingredients;

• instant attraction
• not much brain involved
• potential for good sniffings, leading to...
• shared, albeit temporary, accommodations
• clear understanding of the rules

MEnU fur One and a half
Say what? This is where you go along to an establishment and need to have a partner but this is tricky, cuz you actually don't have one.
FRET NOT!  May I introduce you to The Sub...........................>>>

Such partners suit those who are having the busy lifestyle that has somehow meant the focus was not on romance. Most often, the subs are workmates or long-term friends with whom one has a good rapport but who expect nothing more than a free meal in return. It is often the case that the One in this partnership is inclined to the previous MEnU but is, in fact, desirous of something more, em, palatable...
(For an example read here.)

Main Ingredients;

• no attraction required
• need to have a list of loyals unlikely to have a date themselves
• absolutely no sniffing required
• no shared accommodations required
• clear understanding of the rules

MenU fur Two-ish

Okay, finally some sense of prolonged togetherness. At least, there was an invite to share time beyond the event which brought you into each other's arms paws. This involves moving into second and subsequent date territory. Tricky what fun. This is when you need to be sure that the pawson you presented yourself as at the togetherness event was actually YOU.  If not, you are digging a hole. And I don't mean in the garden. Second dates are where the proper 'getting to know you' settles in.

Main Ingredients;

• getting to second date means that you had to play a bit hard to get on first date
• you must also be a bit hard to get this time... and for as long as you feel comfy
• if you are the pursuer, accept 'no' at all times... unless the other is winking and contradicting themselves - but 'no' outweighs all else; chivalry gets you places
• the first three points require that there was some attraction.  Well lots really.
• the brain now needs to engage a bit... though sadly it often does not
• assuming the 'no' signal has not gone up, sniffings are definitely on
• accommodations are best kept separate at this stage. It's a territory thing.
• clear understanding of the rules

MEnU fur Two

Third date onward it is imperative that all signalling is in the open. Maintaining masks is tiring and will only result in tears. If you are not feeling comfortable at being yourself, get out. If the other is bringing the real you out, be grateful. Even if you think you don't like the real you.  The other has decided that it is worth their effort. On the other paw, you need to be sure that the signals coming from the other are clear and free of secret coding. Nothing hurts more than to find out that you have been hoodwinked.  (Well, perhaps being the one found out ain't so great either - so just don't do it!!!) If you can't be who you really are with someone - you are at the wrong table. Full stop. This doesn't mean you should 'let it all hang out' either. Keeping things in reserve can bring nice surprises as things develop...

Main ingredients;

• attraction has remained
• sniffings are wanted and persmissions are given
• there must be engagement of brains by this time - there must...
• negotiations about accommodations may arise at this time
• communications may still be guarded but easier now
• greater amounts of time spent in each other's company
• further outings together but also with a wider group of pals, demonstrating couple-ship
• clear understanding of the rules

MEnU fur Two, Gourmet

Things went well. You are hitched! If you aren't working things out with a degree of togetherness by now, you hitched to the wrong wagon. Communications, decisions, events - these ought to be a mutual thing. If one is dominating, the other is going to get damaged to a greater or lesser degree. Even though they don't realise it, the domineer is also getting damaged. EQUALITY rules. This doesn't mean that there ought not to be a level of compromise.  In fact, it is suspected that long-termers are in a constant state of compromise.  Even that is a two-way thing though. Healthy, balanced compromise comes from clear and honest communication. It means that each gets what is needed, but not always what is wanted. There needs to be a common goal.

Main ingredients;

• continued attraction
• less sniffings perhaps, but more sharings
• the brains have settled down and kinda sorta understand each other
• communal accommodations, therefore company is permanent
• outings may be together, but may also be with others - of purely platonic nature
• best to avoid complacency in case the Martha she went out with is actually a Martin
• or vicky-versy
• no reading of each other's emails - that's paranoia
• if messages get left by Martha/Martin, open up the communications channels
• ...with the other, not Martha/Martin...
• clear understanding of the rules

MEnU fur Inter-Cultural Coupling

Sometimes, for a few, the attraction for another not of one's own tribe is strong. Kya kare?  When the heart thumps, it sees no barriers! Actually, there are no barriers except for silly ones which society is determined to raise. That said, not all species are compatible. There can be insurmountable differences.  One lives in water the other in the sky, for example.  That would be a heart-breaker for sure. Then again, the likelihood of attraction would also be considerably less.  Bottom line? If there's attraction, it's worth exploring. You'll never know if you never go....

It only remains, my dears, to wish you all a very happy Valentine's Day and remember - at all times - communication is the key. It is the water in the MEnU without which nothing binds, seasoned, of course, with liberal amounts of (capital 'ell') Love - come back tomorrow for more on that particular ingredient!

(Read about chaPAWroning here...and see the bloghop list. You might also click forward to 'next post' to read about Love.)