It's a
delicate matter, this aging process. Or
ought that to read indelicate? There are
certain matters that were once taboo. We
just didn't include them in the average conversation.
Then
arrives the Australian Government Stool Sample Kit. On your 50th birthday. You're now officially
in the seniors category and at risk of producing all sorts of unmentionable
disorders of the bowel. Ergo the
kit. Very kind of the Oz Powers to think of
their citizens this way. Never mind that
early warning will save them a packet of dollars. Wonder if they thought of the psychological
side-effects of sending out brown paper packages of this nature? Like the sudden panic as to whether that was
just a bit of tomato skin or not? Until
this day it always was. Now I'm not so
sure. Then there's the recall. "Packages between numbers such and such
have proven faulty and false readings may result."
Meaning? Could be you thought you had troubles and now
you don't. Or worse. Something important got missed. Of course, you might have been like me and
overlooked the process due to pressing matters in other regions.
Aah yes,
50, the golden number. The day
everything turns to lead. Did I have
constipation before or did it only begin today? Is this sudden bout of loose movements a
sign of irritable bowel? Is all this
bloating a case of leaky bowel syndrome?
Wonder if I should have put the kit through its paces. Nah.**
Then
there's the skin changes. Was that a
polyp I just noticed? Do I have
piles? Eek! Age spots. Tumorous growths requiring surgical
intervention….
Things
that were never questioned before suddenly get noticed and seem to have
enlarged to the point of appearing like barnacles on the bottom - (of a boat, a boat okay?) - simply because of moving from fourth to fifth decade.
All this
on top of menosoup. It's enough to make
one menoloopal.
**As a responsible health professional, it behoves me
to point out that all such tests definitely ought to be taken. I joke about delaying it here (being medical
doesn't mean one is other than human and prone to all the issues that come with
the status), but did of course follow through in the end.
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