Menory Lane; Rough Landings

Majority readers will have twigged that I am a single woman.  Not much has been said at all here about such matters.  Simply because, in the end, 'they do not matter'!

It would be remiss of me though, in the interests of autobiographical rightness, to ignore the fact that during all the fuss and bother of getting over to the underparts of the globe, there was a fellow on the horizon.  Indeed, the visa had been expedited because said fellow, who had taken time to come stay for a while in Galashiels, had proposed marriage.

During my 6-month sojourn in 1985-86, we had met and spent three of those six months together. There were many letters and (very expensive) phone calls when I returned to Scotland (no email then!!!) Then he came for a 6-month stay over here.  

Things were pretty solid.  What needs to be understood though, is that YAMster is a very free spirit (what - you didn't get that?!)

I got asked three times before I said 'yes' - and that was only after he had left and returned to Australia.  Absence clouded my judgement.  That said, genuine and deep feeling was there and having got my head round it, I adjusted my future thinking to include another.  Even got into the groove of trying to organise a wedding across continents.

Having arrived in Sydney, it took him two days to drop the bombshell.  He was withdrawing from the commitment.

My parents (all praise) were by this time resident in Sydney so were there to pick up the pieces. It would not have been pleasant for them.  Mother was particularly angry with the lad; because she had actually liked him and felt (I think) as betrayed as her daughter.

There were two great pains.  First, the betrayal of trust (not the loss of love), as I had questioned and then been persuaded with such fond promises. I was angry with myself for succumbing even though, deep down (I could accept later) I knew this was not really meant to be my path. Second was the anger that he hadn't left well alone so that I could have come to OZ on entirely my own, work-based, terms.  Now I faced all but two years of looking over my shoulder as Dept of Immigration 'investigated'.

My dear and loyal friend 'Aitch' came and stayed and became part of the glue which stuck me together again. The loving and strong ministrations of parents were a large ingredient in that glue. Then there was the 'inner glue'.  Whilst it got mucked around with, it did what was necessary to repair and kept once again focused (albeit silently) on the spirit.

Additionally, I was able to find work.  Due to the mess of visas now, I could not at that stage gain employment more than on temporary basis.  To begin there were lots of assignments as data entry clerk, receptionist, filing clerk... all of which turned out to be invaluable as I formed a worthwhile and glowing CV as well as learning the ropes of working in the Australian environment.  

Very different!  Folk were called by first names, familiar words had different connotations and interpretations, systems which seemed familiar had vital variations on the theme.  It was a wonderful, regularly changing, tapestry of experience.

When my residency was finally granted a cloak of doom was lifted from me.  What is more, two of the companies with whom I had established reputation through temporary work were both ready to offer Systems Analyst positions, full time!  Choices.  I settled on NCR...

(c) Yamini Ali MacLean

7 comments:

  1. That tree is wonderful, holding fast to the ground with gnarled toes.
    NCR! I remember them. And printing on NCR paper.

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  2. This is one of those Wonderful stories that Shows what the power of Family and Friends really can bring.
    In our family we have a saying... out of every BAD thing... GOOD things come.
    It was horrible to have the relationship end is such an abrupt manner... but think how fortunate you are not to have been MARRIED to that fellow.

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  3. You had a lucky escape, maybe worse if you were married with a few kiddies when he had second thoughts, men as a fickle lot.
    Merle..........

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  4. Yes, a lucky escape, as has already been said. As a single woman who also once, a long long time ago experienced a betrayal of trust (different circumstances, but some of the same feelings I suspect), I can relate to much of this.
    Cheers! Gail.

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  5. Fortunately, in this day and age, we know that we can live wonderful lives as a singleton.
    I am very heartened by your life's journey.
    With hubby facing cancer, I know that whatever happens, I will survive.
    You are a hero for many in this generation.
    Too many give up and give in.
    I'm proud to read of you and your journey. You are such an interesting person!
    hugs...
    (ツ) from Cottage Country Ontario , ON, Canada!

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  6. How interesting it is to look back at the painful parts of our lives and see them in context with the rest. Some scars never heal but we can use them to gain knowledge and understanding of ourselves.

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley

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  7. I must have missed this post last year, because I certainly can't remember reading it and I definitely didn't leave a comment.

    In retrospect you learn a lot. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Things that seem so difficult at first, may turn out to be the most positive in the end.

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