'A sense of humour lends you poise, it gives you balance and it helps you to bend without breaking'

(HH Pujya Gurudev Swami Chinmayananda)

MenoQueued - Waiting Your Attention

Kharu - cruel, harsh, foolish, desirous of improper or forbidden things (covetousness)
'kh' is the closest to 'q' in Devanagari script.

Whatchya say?
Why use such a word here? There can be a tendency, when discussing self-improvement methodologies and philosophy, to focus on the 'up'. Positive affirmation and all that. That's great and appropriate, but something I experienced when I committed fully to Vedantic practice was the bringing in of the negative.

The swamis and sadhus can be most loving and supportive, but when they see that one is truly on the path, they will surprise one - nay, ambush! - in order that the grime and untouched corners of one's being get properly cleaned. It can seem most harsh - (says the ego).

It is a simple fact known by all who have seriously attempted any form of self-development program, that the negatives have to be faced. Think housework; unless you take out the rubbish, the house will, eventually, start to stink and no amount of incense or proprietary perfumed sprays are going to cover it. Politically we can point to all the positives which have developed to create a society, but all too readily avert our eyes and minds from the battles with the dark side and the costs to some areas in order to benefit others. This can only go on for so long before it all becomes a festering mess.

We all have kharu in us but not all of us are able to recognise it and make amends for it. Even in the small day-to-day things; the harsh word to the loved one at the end of a tiring day, the silly joke that backfired on our colleagues, the jealousy we felt when someone else got something we wanted ourselves. You know it - sorry is the hardest word. To ask for forgiveness is, for many people, a submissive thing. It means quashing the ego and it can be almost impossible for some.

Forgiveness as such will be addressed a little more in a later post; but it is important to know that it exists and that it is an empowering thing - not just to ask for it, but also to give it. It greatly helps in overcoming the kharu. At all levels.

The whole world can seem to be driven by kharu. How to counteract it? As always, it comes back to the individual. Each must ensure that they are as clear and unobstructed in their personalities as it is possible to be. If that means coming face to face with the hard facts of who we are, so be it. Brushing things into a corner, pulling the curtains over the facts of history, only leads to the potential for 'time bombs'. Almost without fail, life will find a way to shine the torch on those corners, to pull back the curtains, and if we have not prepared ourselves, it will hurt.

Sometimes, we are the bearers of truth in a situation which has been obfuscated with others' interpretations of events or their investment in who they want us to be (versus who we are) and we then receive their kharu upon us. The hurt felt has to be measured against our ego; is there some truth in what they feed back to us? Is there anything worth the effort of correction? Are they totally missing the point and is it time to move on? Are they even directing cruelty specifically at us or are we, in our ego, taking it upon ourselves when it has nothing to do with us?!

It's a complicated business, this becoming whole, congruent human beings. When faced with the aachaarya who keeps demanding 'who are you?', it is only when we can face the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, warts, kharu and all, that we can respond even remotely close to who we actually are.


20 comments:

  1. Another beautiful menorise.
    Once my Daddy 'wanted' to say he was sorry to me but being raised during the depression he never found his sensitive side, never showed weakness, was his own boss all his life. I came home from work one day to find 2 dozen red roses on the porch with a note that read, I love you, your Daddy. This was hard for him I know but all was forgotten we have to accept people for who they are and not expect them to change.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  2. In our home we always try to remember that it isn't always easy to say I am sorry, but we do. And then sometimes it is even harder to say I forgive you - but we do.

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    1. Hari Om
      ...you are going to appreciate this month's FFF visit to Hindertwig then! Yxx

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  3. covetous is my least of all the things that are wrong within me. and i find it easy to say I am sorry, i am what i call cursed with seeing both sides of problems and with seeing what is wrong with me. that is a little over simplified, and i get what you are saying, and i need a lot of what you say, but not as much as other things. my husband is the exact opposite, can not see both sides of anything and never says he is sorry and doesn't even know when he is wrong because he thinks he is not. we have a lot of LOUD discussions. he also will go back in time 60 years and still rant about what someone did back then. I have found from introspection of many years, that when someone does something that bothers me if i look closely they are very much like myself... in other words when i find fault in others, the mirror comes back and says, they are acting and thinking like you are.

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  4. I think that it takes a lot of wisdom to be able to identify our own faults. Believe it or not, sweet little Shyla has helped me to see some of my greatest weaknesses because she needs me to be a better person than I have been in the past. I've identified some of my least kind traits but I still have trouble exorcising them. They seem deeply embedded but my canine mirror is helping me (in a painful way - because when I hurt her feelings, it is very very obvious).

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    1. Hari OM
      "KB", my angels Jade dog and Jasper cat helped me so much by mirroring me! Even though was doing this work from long ago, there is always work to do on ourselves and we need to be reminded constantly - our pets are one of the best 'tools' we have to see ourselves. Yxx

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  5. It's hard to rise above the negativity sometimes, both external and internal. Forgiveness has been easier than forgetting, some wounds actually turn gangrenous with time.

    Kharu as a word is new to me, though negativity is an old enemy of course.

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    1. Hari OM
      It can be very difficult to rise above, no denying. Please think on this, however... Forgiveness, if applied, does heal. In continuing to 'work' the wound, if pain continues or worsens because of this, then forgiveness has not been applied, only words said. Just as there is capital 'ell' Love, there is True Forgiveness. No grudge held, no festering, no revenge plotted. If we learn to say 'it's okay I forgive you' without it being in our hearts and minds we are not only misleading the forgiven but damaging ourselves as the forgiver. Conversely, if we learn to say sorry for the small things each day, with genuine intent, knowing how to seek forgiveness, we can also find it in ourselves to forgive on a daily basis. Our 'forgiveness muscle' gets good exercise so that when the real test comes, we can find that space in our hearts to ask and to give forgiveness. To do this when the need is greatest requires the strongest part of our character, that part which is the master of its own destiny.

      Forgetting is not a required part of forgiveness. However, if forgiveness has truly taken place, the remembering can be viewed as if on a screen; the incident may be unpleasant but can not directly affect us.

      Beyond the purpose of these articles on spiritual uplift, as a counsellor, I had to work with many clients on aspects of asking and giving forgiveness and there are a variety of exercises and tools which can be applied, even for the deepest and most ancient pains. This is clearly not the place for it - but I can provide this link, from which arise a number of other highly valuable links, for general reading and understanding.

      Thank you, Nilanajana, for prompting this lengthy response from me - it is important on many levels. Am going away to update my 'X' post - for reasons which will become clear! Blessings, Yxx

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    2. Thanks for the response and the link Yamini. Very illuminating.

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  6. Complexities,nagativities,doubts,ego clashes et all are integral to our existence. Forgiveness,admitting one's mistakes, small mindedness and hosts of other mental conflicts are perennial issues of our worldly journey. To follow the path of righteous is probably the answer to this.

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  7. It's a little like the sin we all carry with us - the carnal man who wants to be right and to always have his own way - selfishness and unforgiveness seem to go hand in hand. I've watched people become bitter and hard from holding on too tightly to their belief in their own rightness - sometimes we need to cultivate graciousness and kindness to offset that hard centre we carry within us. I'm enjoying your take on all these areas Yam.

    Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au
    Q for Quality not Quantity

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    1. Hari OM
      G'day Leanne - it's a joy to me that we have been able to share 'conversation' this way - your own posts mirroring these wonderfully! Yes, the ego-self does not like to admit and it can become a nastly little edge within us, ready to cut at all the wrong times. Yxx

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  8. Hello, first I wanted to say thank you so much for all the visits to my blog over the last week when I have totally failed to visit back. I'm going round everyone's Q posts today and then I will try to catch up on some of the other posts I have missed.

    Negatives are often the hardest things to admit to because they are the things we want to hide, even from ourselves.
    Tasha
    Tasha's Thinkings - Movie Monsters

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    1. Hari OM
      it has been quite a challenge to keep doing the rounds each day, Taasha, so 'forgive yourself'!!! I ended up just having about 15 blogs from A-Z on my bookmarks and am sticking with those 'cuz' it was all getting too much. I am thoroughly enjoying those few and the conversations they are bringing out. Yxx

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  9. Thought-provoking and enlightening post.
    We should always work towards overcoming our negatives and admit our mistake when we are at fault.
    I liked the example of housework: "unless you take out the rubbish, the house will, eventually, start to stink and no amount of incense or proprietary perfumed sprays are going to cover."

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  10. I've thought about this a lot over the years Yamini, both personally in my journey to own parts of myself, both negative and positive, and more broadly in the collective sense. I've wondered what would be useful for all of us, and wondered if we could somehow "reverse engineer" conditions. I think each one of us needs someone who can genuinely forgive a darkness within us, and we need to be able to receive that forgiveness. And having received it, we gain courage to look at other pieces of darkness within ourselves, and then can begin the process of addressing, amending, refining, cleaning up the messes, and ultimately forgiving ourselves. Rinse and repeat. But my underlying conclusion is that we can play a significant part for others in being willing to forgive. The rest is of course up to them. But if everyone had the chance, and the ability to understand, what it really means to be seen, to be accepted, and to be forgiven, I think the change in our collective would be extraordinary.

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    1. Hari OM
      Oh yes, yes indeed! I love how you say that gaining forgiveness can provide us with courage for more... (also got a bit confused when I saw you 'here' - used to seeing you over on the temporary WP bloggy! Glad you came here though - it's my home.) YAM xx

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  11. Interesting topic. It took a long time (a very long time) for me to understand that if other people see me a certain way (not always positive!) then I should at least consider why they think that and accept that their perspective is valid and is one aspect of 'who I am'. And that I might even consider whether I need to change!
    Cheers, Gail.

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    1. Hari OM
      We are all of us subjected to 'polishing and shaping' by having our edges rubbed... and as long as there are no chips left, we can begin to shine like diamonds. Even if chips do appear, they can be removed, with a bit more grinding and polishing. In terms of change, it can depend rather on who and in what quantity the characteristics are being reflected back to us. We need to determine whether it is one person's not being able to accept who we are or is it that we do indeed have a flaw, a disturbance, which makes general acceptance more difficult. A lifetime's work! Yxx

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  12. Ah, this is an excellent read. I love your response, as much as the post, as well, Yam!

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