WYSIWYG

What You See Is What You Get. This is a journal blog, an explore-blog, a bit of this and that blog. Sharing where the mood takes me. Perhaps it will take you too.

MenoSundays; Life Lived Lovingly

Latterly, these Sunday posts have become a little bit... selfish. There is light at the end of the 'lurgy tunnel' though, and I am again grateful to you all for the well-wishes. Even as a solitary being, it is always good to know there are others to whom one can reach out.

I am that. Solitary. Happy in my own company, but quite capable of being sociable also.

I enjoy the silence of solitude. Practicing keeping the mind still and focused on only one thing. It is part of a daily spiritual routine. Many people, when they talk of silence, they mean getting away from television, radio, endless chatter, traffic and so on. The quietening of these things does not necessarily equal silence. In the most remote places, there are sounds to be heard. The breeze in the leaves; a bird here and there; perhaps some water - a stream? Rain on the window? These sounds break into the silence but also bring a sense of peace and well-being, so we do not think of them as nuisance or invasion of our inner space.

In my meditative practice these days, where once one was able to eliminate even the sounds of nature and enter the pure inner silence, it is now the case of a raging torrent of tinnitus. It was around for quite a long time - one of those symptoms of the dreaded and long-running "menopolyxinaemia"** - but it has grown significantly worse the last year or so.

Am actually quite good at 'tuning out' to it, though it does sometimes contribute to insomnia. In meditation, however, it is as invasive as chainsaws and bulldozers.

What is more, the already slightly dodgy hearing is now diminishing as a result. It's the equivalent of fuzzy vision in the eyes (don't get me started on that one). Mostly there is one constant sound, but it spikes every now and then - more and more often. There are lots of examples around to sample, but this one is closest to my own sound.



There's a lot of information out there about living with tinnitus. It is quite a common condition.

Do any of you share this experience? Does it sometimes feel like it's taking over? For me, the one thing I treasure most is the one thing now sacrificed and I am in a process of learning to accept it. There can be no true silence now.


** haven't mentioned the dreaded meno or the soup it creates for a while. Mainly because this is now year fifteen of the debacle. It started in slow and stealthily, peaked whilst I was at the ashram and has been gradually, stealthily, phasing itself out again. Thank goodness for the timing and the ashram and all, I say. You may have read about me in the newspapers otherwise. Murder. Or worse.

12 comments:

  1. Oh boy do I identify and 'hear' you! I have tinnitus...24 hours a day and I think it is what sometimes adds to my insomnia. After we got Bryan's cataracts taken care of in the fall I made an appt with my ENT...why. Well either Bryan needed to speak up or I was having hearing issues. I have high frequency hearing loss in both ears. The ENT asked lots of questions. If I'm looking at folks I hear them....with my eyes. ENT says I am reading lips a tad too. Glory be.
    And all this added to the hum in my head. Yes ENT says maybe Bryan needs to speak up a bit. As I type the clothes dryer is spinning near by but I also have a serious buzz going on.
    Can you hear me now...??? Hugs HiC

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    1. Hari OM
      One must not let it gain the upper hand, though, eh? Else it could drive one a tad crazy. I do know there are supposed to be noise-cancelling hearing aids to help the condition - but they are not cheap. For now, I am coping (though the recent spate of enforced rest has seemed to increase the tinnitus too). It's one of those things that can only be appreciated by another who is experiencing it. Hey ho... Yxx

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  2. It must take a lot of practice to "tune out" that noise. I know you will bring your logical brain and your creativity to bear on devising coping strategies, but still, hard. Tinnitus has not been a problem so far for me. Deafness however has been a serious problem in my family, in the female line, and I doubt that I'll avoid it in the future although so far so good...
    Good to hear there's light at the end of the "lurgy tunnel".
    All the best, Gail.

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    1. Hari OM
      Yes; still a little discomfort around the ribs and voice still affected to some degree, but mostly it is just the very low energy which has to be overcome now. Am giving myself another week of the 'cosseting' for good measure, then really must get back to full function! As I said to the father earlier - I think I have been in zombie-land for three weeks, it's all such a fuzz!!! Yxx

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  3. good to hear you are feeling better. Bob has tinnutius that he says sounds like yours. he wears hearing aids and they do help with it until he takes them out. he can't hear thunder but he can hear the buzzing in his ears. he has suffered from it for many years. i had it for a short time, went to the ENT and he said mine should go away and it did. he also said that he has had patients that had it so bad they said they were having thoughts of suicide to make it stop. there is no cure is what he told me. so sorry you have this and glad you can work through it with your not so silent meditation. I am like you, love to chat and talk, but love solitude..

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  4. I have off and on humming or buzzing in ears, or some may say tinnutius. I've mention this to my doctor and lot time is hearing lost or blood pressure troubles. My blood pressure runs slightly on high side.
    My husband and those I work have to have back ground noise on. Usual the television so when I get a chance I turn off the noice devices

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  5. The beer fairy suffers with tinnutitus all the years of driving trucks it is hard to get away from but I live in a silent word and I value that.
    Merle............

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  6. Hi Yam - well I'm glad the dreaded lurgy is easing away - the other things we learn to adjust ... but take care and I'm so glad I don't suffer with those things yet ... but understand them and am aware - all the best - cheers Hilary

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  7. That would drive my momma crazy (er).

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  8. Sending you lots of distant healing reiki energy ~ be well ~ have hearing loss and that is another story ~ guess I would rather have the hearing loss ~

    Happy Day to you,
    A ShutterBug Explores,
    aka (A Creative Harbor)

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  9. I have had this condition for 2 or 3 decades. It is sort of a cicada and low pitch tea kettle combo. My brain filters the sound out a lot. Of course anything else on that frequency is filtered out, too. It does not interfere with my sleep just hearing people talk.

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  10. I think it is important to know about the people we care for! I'm so sorry for these issues. You write about it all you want. Your fans are here to listen and provide remote support. I understand about solitude. Both JB and I could be hermits. I'm still working on my meds, and things are improving. take care! Lots of love!!!!

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