WYSIWYG

What You See Is What You Get. This is a journal blog, an explore-blog, a bit of this and that blog. Sharing where the mood takes me. Perhaps it will take you too.

Menoculayshunal; Sign Off

Thank you to all those who have stuck through from beginning to end of this 'processing' of my time at Sandeepany Sadhanalaya.

It became clear that a few folk either forgot or came late, so they didn't realise that this all took place during 2011-2013 and was not recent! It took this long to write it out in full because, first, I had to resettle in Scotland (and nine+ years on, I feel as if I am still doing that...) after thirty years away; second, fairly soon after repatriation, I began to have to go back and forth to Edinburgh, leading up to 2019 when I more or less moved back in with Dad to see him through to his end. Life, in other words, tended to get priority over personal processing and integration. I am not going to mention the whole fiasco that was 2020.

The main title I gave these posts - menoculayshunal; (keeping up my logodaedalist ways) - reflected the fact that there was a largely vocational calling to my having taken up Advaitic studies and moving to India to see them through. To clarify, although I did not take diksha (become a nun), I was granted the status of Vedantaachaarya - teacher of Vedanta. Something akin to lay preacher.

That the ending of my studies revealed a fork in the road, resulting in a move I had long railed against, is something that is still being wrangled with deep in my psyche. It is clear that all aspects of my studies and training up to this point are ultimately related, and all involved applying a philosophical stance in life. Having had eighteen months back in the Hutch, more or less alone, I feel a little separated from myself. It has to be recognised that there was quite a bit of physical, mental and emotional recovery required from the caring role that had preceded my return to Dunoon. Finally, in the past six months, plans for 'where to from here' have been manifesting. There is still finalising to be done with my father's estate, but once that is complete, I will once again be a completely free agent, and I need to adjust to what is likely to be my own last chapter. It might be a long chapter, but it has to serve to draw all the threads of the tapestry together. 

It could go one of two ways; either I remain in the Hutch and operate at a distance from the world or take to the road, like a true sadhvi. Watch this space...





13 comments:

  1. And it's still Sunday here, and I wonder what you will do, though I suspect the latter, if you can.

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  2. Being one free agent sound like a nice cup of tea. My oldest son and his wife will be visiting England, Scotland, and Ireland.
    Coffee is on and stay safe

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  3. I'm interested to see if the road idea takes flight, as I know you're very attracted to that option, although it's not without major challenges! Cheers, Gail.

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  4. Does your 'mother house' (so to speak) do restorative retreats? Would you ever be likely to revist them? Furrings and purrings Mr T and F

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    1. Hari OM
      HAH! Aitch asked that sort of question this morning! Given my 'mother house' is in Mumbai, that is not so practical - though of course I would love that! I have revisited twice en-route to OZ (pre-COVID)... but such a 'holiday' would not fully address the fact that I need to just now get on with the next phase of life and how that unfolds is still a bit caught in the net of finance v time v energy and so on. But sort itself out it will. Eventually. Yxx

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  5. we are sure it will be the right way for you and we are curious what way is your way...

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  6. Hi Yam - interesting thoughts ... I wonder what you will do - you've given yourself time to get to this point ... and perhaps there is time before that decision needs to be made. Your little place appears to be a sanctuary ... perhaps a half half life ahead - time to travel, yet return to the sanctuary. All the best with your thoughts and mullings - cheers Hilary

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    1. Hari OM
      It's the financial aspect that prevents that being a viable option for me Hilary... am on a very limited budge and, frankly, don't really want the head-space taken up with having to care for property. Yxx

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  7. I am just dying to give my OPINION but will refrain because we are all different and you must make your own decision. I if gave my opinion it would be what is best for me which might not be best for you.. good luck with the decision.

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  8. I am very interested to see where the universe takes you for this chapter of life.

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  9. Hi YAM I am late for a very important date..visiting you. At 8:30 am I had internet when I visited Nobby and Da Twinies...then bam it went bye bye. At 9 am we left on our first road trip to a State Park since last fall.
    More on that later we just got home.

    I LOVE your lavender art work. I send you many prayers and thoughts as you make your decision on your next step.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  10. What an interesting ride this life has been for you so far...and I know, whatever the next part of your journey holds, you will live it to the fullest!

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  11. We look forward to hearing where life will take you in the future.

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