One of
the things that has caused stress in recent years is people. I like them fine. In small numbers.
Honestly
speaking I have never been a crowds, parties, gatherings kinda gal. Something to do with being at waist
level. Folk, however pleasant, end up
talking over you or down to you. Quite
literally. Not that this is their
intention, I'm sure. Then there are the
Shortists. Those who appear to believe
less than five feet = less than five brain cells. Majority times I let them go their merry
way. Every now and then I re-educate
them. Nothing like a bit of
short-treatment.
Thus to
say that I have always tended to the label of 'recluse' is not too far off the
truth. One priceless memory is of mother
coming into my bedroom (me aged fourteen
and four fifths), wondering why I wasn't going to the disco with my wee
sisters. Disco!! Classical music -" who are The
Monkees" - me!!
"You
are going to end up a hermit my girl" she uttered in exasperation. As the door closed there was mention of
"Perhaps a child psychologist I should call".
She never
did that. My mother was a pretty adept
family psychologist herself. I have a
lot more of her in me than, perhaps, I ever wished to admit for far too long. So it was a wee bit funny that she didn't see
her own great long solitary hikes were the equivalents of my withdrawal into a
'cave'. The need? Not to deal, for some time at least, with the
mad ,mad, mad, mad, world. Mum's answer
to it was physicality. Mine,
introspection.
That is
why, probably, she wasn't all that surprised when I showed interest in
spiritual and scriptural matters at an early age. Ours not being a religious family at all, the
decision was definitely my own. Attempts
were continually made to have me 'join' with groups that were considered to be
better for me - socially speaking.
Needless to say, I am not a joiner.
No matter what different tack my various interests took me, even when
part of a larger group, I tended on the whole to be on the periphery. I'm an observer. Nothing is more entertaining than watching
humans try so very hard to move around each other. It has to be said, too, that on the occasions
when I did get sucked into the middle of any particular whirlpool, the
emotional and psychological toll was pretty heavy. So I usually found my way back to the outside
and into the arms of Spirit.
Before
any misconception arises, let me make it
clear that the spiritual life is not a contributor
to the distancing tendencies. It does
however sit very comfortably with them - and perhaps that was part of the plan
all along. Becoming inwardly focused has
not proven a challenge or emotional minefield for me as it has for others
here. It was always there and can now be
given full rip. I can, if I wish,
without any sense of judgment or hint of repercussion, withdraw. This does not mean I wish to run away from
the world. No, no, no. It means only that I need lots of recharge
time in order to deal with it when its there.
Its having become magnified is
definitely a symptom of menosoup.
Indeed, the key challenge for me on the ashram
has not been the discipline of mind and spirit.
It has been the adjusting to the fact the world sits here too. So I have to, every now and then, toss my
head, don the muffler and declare "I vish to be alone!"
Works a
treat. Could be lying here for days,
lifeless and mouldering. Eventually
someone would figure out the smell was coming from 102.
Double-edged
sword, the old solitude business.
Miss our wee chats and cup pas not to mention hot chops. Long gone now, Vasana burnt. As you mentioned watching is quite the thing. Learn so much more than talking. Bring solitude on I say. And as Guru Dev says" if you don't enjoy your own company why impose it on others." And I must say as meno progresses the time spent alone is heaven sent. Never thought I would enjoy my own company so much.
ReplyDeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteOh I do hope you mean 'hot choCs'...
8~>