The
recent break was essential. For now we
enter a period of full-force "filosofee". Acharya-ji saw that all the travellers were
needing a couple days to recover from their holiday… many went down with fever
and gut troubles, which is a common thing from an intense journey and dramatic
changes of climate. Thus there were
minor concessions such as not having to prepare our own talks (vedantic
discourses are like sermons) for two days and no sahasranama japa at midday
(chanting of the Lord's names).
From
Sunday, though, it was "all abooo00aaaaarrddd!".
Who was
first cab off the rank for pre-class talk?
Oh
yes.
Yet again
there was lots of giggling (from them down there, not me) and about 5 minutes
in I had a major blank-out. Nothing
there. Nada. Nahi eka vastu. I had to make my apologies and retreat. I had made a good start but two things
happened. There was double the audience
as an outside group was visiting, so lots of unfamiliar faces looking
expectantly. That's okay, am not a
novice speaker. However, immediately
upon the thought of how necessary it was to get the point across, I looked at
the time-keeper. Where was the warning
bell for roundup? It hit me
strongly. I had prepared for the
established 6 minute talk and had forgotten that now we were to increase to 8
minutes.
Lost
it. Whatever small stuff I had
disappeared altogether. I was so
completely empty of thought I could not even fluff it. Neither could I be embarrassed or
particularly worried. What happened,
happened. Move on.
So on
Tuesday we were reminded of the weight of work that was due and at what
intervals. Today the first of those many
assignments got over. Keeping the
momentum will be the challenge, for not only going back over previous material,
but maintaining the current texts is where almost all our time is going. Sanskrit classes have also resumed and this
week we had a visiting Swami giving yet a third text discourse twice
daily. … Now I ask you. If the day is filled with classes telling us
what to think about, where is the time left to do the thinking?
This is
the pattern that had started some three months ago and I think it plays a large
part in the quite severe insomnia I have been fighting. I cannot say to you I am stressed. Maybe a few months back, when I still had
notions I was going to miraculously override the memory gaps and menosoupal
melee, I could get a bit wound up. Now though, I just write about it.
Are we up
to our ears in metre-long ruminations?
Indeed. Are we snowed under with
expected outputs from said ruminations?
Absolutely. Are the cracks
showing? Somewhat.
The
compensation has been the sense of unity in adversity. Everyone looks at each other with that
knowing in the eye that pressure is on, but "she'll be right mate" is
the undercurrent. Which is true. It will all come together in the end. What keeps the motivation is the
discipline. What keeps discipline is the
adding and subtracting of classes and manipulations of timetables. "Keep them on their toes" being the
policy.
What keeps us chirpy are the little breakouts from that discipline,
either as individuals (like under-cover-of-darkness bloggeresses K), or in groups (the recent boys' hostel ordering
of pizzas ä) - or even from Head of
Mission, Guru-ji, tapping the steam valve (providing us all with Krispy Kreme
donuts for afternoon tea ☻).
Yes, it's
a bit meno'erwhelming at times. But they
are good times.
Feel sorry for you. Your not one for loosing words. I was with the overwhelming ness . Well got to go to the finished line, and to quote Aussie slang " she'll be right mate." Sending you all the love and energy you need. Another blogger amongst you. You'd better email me the details. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteI love the juxtaposition of Aussie slang with Sanskrit. It all seems very esoteric from here on the Canadian prairie, and momentarily, the other day, I considered inviting myself to join you because I need peace and meditation and whatnot, but I cannot remember Thing One for more than a minute and a half at any given time.
ReplyDeleteSo I will have to be satisfied with happily reading about your life and thinking "how wonderful" sometimes and "how fascinating" other times, and smiling a lot.
K
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteMahal - no just me (+ myself and of course let us not forget I)... And of course, "she'll be apples!"
Kay - I am particularly liking that it's got you smiling!!! You'll have gathered the prompter for this whole blog is the desperately depleted retention power. If one didn't see the funny side it could be loony-bin stuff.
...of course there are those amongst my circle who say that incarceration is long overdue! 8*7