THINGS
AFOOT...
There are
times we look ahead of us and wonder 'whatever next'? There are other times we make plans in an
attempt to avert the 'just if in case'.
Oftentimes we find ourselves 'gathering wool' in a fervent wish to
change, or at least relieve ourselves of, the present.
Sometimes
we simply accept that there is a path and trundle along it as best we can,
trying not to go too far to the left or right.
When we do stray, things usually turn an ugly shade of unfortunate. Then we have to make u-turns, emergency stops
or put up the white flag. This is not
to say that the preferred path itself necessarily has to be well trodden (to
paraphrase a favourite…) It is this
latter category which most describes how my life has been. Following that inner voice; finding some
'interesting' experiences when I have rebelled against it. Finding even more worthwhile experiences when
I have trusted it. Neither does this mean that one has surrendered
responsibility for decisions - quite the opposite; one of my problems,
actually, is the tendency to over-rationalise.
I assess,
I check, I double check and I test things out.
In spite of this doubting Thomas
sort of nature, I have always acknowledged this instructional inner self as
relating to spirit. Whilst not
everything I have done in life may be an obvious spiritual activity, trust me
for now when I say spirit is to be found in the most mundane of tasks and in
the darkest places. It is my doubting
side which has continually proved the value of the spiritual.
Cutting
out the first 50 years, then, it was two years ago this date which saw my
arrival in Mumbai. Specifically, to the
teaching ashram of Chinmaya Mission, called Sandeepany Sadhanalaya.
Purpose? To undertake two years intensive study of
Advaita Vedanta, Sanskrit and Indian Culture.
One did nurture the idea of taking on 'colour' at the end of it - that
is to say, to become a 'nun', wearing yellow cloth - and taking up full
missionary work. That remained the case
for a significant period of time. Then
things began to turn.
As a menopolyxinaemic woman who has had life-long rheumatoid arthritis
(plus a few concomitants we won't go into here), the sheer physicality of
ashram discipline began to take a significant toll. Add to that the simple matter of aging and it
became necessary to think more deeply about the future. CM is a vibrant and growing concern and it
needs people with enormous energy and verve.
It may once have been true about myself, but it could be seen that this
now has to be left to the young ones.
Not that there isn't scope for seniors to take yellow, it has been done,
but my own level of commitment had to be measured also.
The
option to take 'white' was there; this might be likened to the role of 'deacon'
in the churches. Active teaching and
support for the 'yellow' in whichever centre one is based. I was seriously considering this at the
beginning of 2013.
Almost
exactly at the time our Acharya ('professor') was bringing up the subject of
our making decisions, three things happened.
- I began blogging and immediately realised a forum in which one could still do the Vedantic outreach without having to become a physical liability to anyone. Straight away ideas began to form.
- My sister, out of the blue and without any discussion, brought to my attention a property she thought I would like… in Scotland (I emigrated to OZ in 1984 and have never thought of returning)…
- One of my 'little brothers' here was having a heart to heart regarding his own decision, when he suddenly stopped and said "Amma, will you go to Scotland?" Considering they all know me as Australian, this was a bit of a jolt.
All
within 24 hours.
I
entertained the concept and began seriously researching Scotland to see whether
it truly called me - in the way that OZ had on that Great Adventure. I will not bore you with the processing and
angst and cogitations and ruminations…
When
Acharya-ji asked us each in turn last month what we had planned, I sat before
him, not entirely realising that I had made up my mind. So we both got a surprise at what came out
and the fervency it carried.
I am
returning to Scotland. Land of my
birth. A place of deep spiritual call
also. A place where I will be, again, a
stranger.
Why? There is an ache at the thought of leaving
the shores of the deep red, ancient and mystical island which, in many ways,
brought me to this point. But that IS the point.
My path has always been driven by spirit. It has taken me exactly where I have needed
to be to reach the next junction and to make the correct turn. I may buck and wriggle about that at times
because it is not necessarily what I want.
But what I want is not the purpose of life. What He/She/It/Self wants of me is the very
best of who I am at any given moment and if now that means being in a brand new
environment, starting over, so be it.
As
regular readers will have surmised, there is not much pause for personal review
around here. The blogging itself was a
late night 'switcher offer', the much needed deep breath.
Thus I am
still, to some extent, trying to process the import of the change that is about
to be wrought on this life once more.
The return to base, as it were, is not to be empty or free of obligation
to spirit and what has been going on here.
On the contrary; it makes complete sense when one understands that to
return to Sydney, with all the hectic humdrum and to make a difference there,
would be extremely hard actually. The
people with whom one is close and who are invested in the person 'before' are
unlikely to accept or adjust easily to the person 'after'. Not personality-ways of course (I'm pretty
stable!), but in the seriousness of one's pursuit.
The dear
Lord Jesus even said [Matthew 13; 53-58] that to teach one's own can be
problematic.
Neither
am I returning to Scotland 'because of family' as a number of folk have
concluded. Of course, one is not going
to ignore them (we have too much fun together for that!), just as I am not
simply dropping my dear ones in OZ.
Whilst I am perfectly capable of being sentimental, I am in fact very
good at detaching without fear or concern.
The good bonds never break. The
tenuous ones perhaps require to be broken.
What to do then? Very much still 'in the egg' at the moment;
but initially the outreach will come from the fifth blog page. Don't expect that too soon, my dears! There's a lot of moving around of bits and
pieces and finding the new 'cave' to be done first. Then there is the processing and reviewing of
all that has been learned and revealed; it goes without saying I am sure, that
this was not a finite, contained experience.
There will likely be a need to find some form of employment in order to
service the bills. All part of the
process. Further, it is time to finally
get 'down and dirty' with my writing. It has been bubbling away beneath the
surface for far too long. I need to find
my retreat.
So where to? Whilst the eye
has been cast over various parts of Scotland, the most likely candidate at this
stage is an inner Hebridean place. The sister who sent the property page way
back in March would have preferred I was on 'home turf' over by Edinburgh - but
if I do end up that way it will simply be because the right place came up at
the right time and at the right price!
First I
have to make the shift.
When then? First step is from
Mumbai back to Sydney. Departure is set
for midnight on the 11th October. That's less than seven weeks left in
India. The end is coming at us like a
steam train now and studies have not let up… we have just completed the last of
the upanishads and will this week complete Bhagavad Gita. Then we still have two, very high, texts
remaining . Officially the course ends
on 9th September; however there has been an extension for Acharya-ji, to ensure
that all gets covered appropriately.
Then Guru-ji (Head of Mission) will close things off for us with a final
text.
My dear
pal Emm is coming over (about which I am sure you will be getting reports!), to
help with the transition. She'll be here
in four weeks. Lots to happen between
now and the final shift, but the idea is to make the transfer to Scotland by
the end of November.
There you
have it then. Finally I can announce it
to the world. You all have the advantage
of reading my life as if it were a book.
I have the hard work of writing it.
But it's fun. It's daunting. It's amazing.
It's exactly as it needs to be.
To that end, allow me to finish with another of those amazing little
things that happened around all of this.
The very next day after my interview - not even 24 hours if I recall
well - my brother sent me the photograph below.
It is
looking across from the mainland to the Isle of Bute (he thought I might need a
'prod') - the boat in the foreground was just an accent as far as he was
concerned.
Y-amini A-li M-acLean … [born ]26 [th] … [seeking emptiness] 0 … [so that] T [ranscendence can be] i [mmanent] |
How exciting to be making a big change. All the best.
ReplyDeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the journey!
Happy for you!!!
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteMany thanks... &*>
Oh wow, Yam. What a major decision and change in your life, but one which sound absolutely right to me, from the way you describe it. If you're coming to Scotland we may one day manage to meet face to face. :-) Hugs Pxx
ReplyDeleteHari OM
ReplyDeletePerpetua, I have no doubt that we will meet at some stage! You at least will have a closer understanding of the sort of process that is happening. There will be many hurdles still, but I feel ready.
Lovely to have you back on the 'catch up'! Hope your journey home was good. xxx
Excited. Imagine me joining you and Aitch in Chinese hats visiting castles in Scotland.
ReplyDeleteHari Om
ReplyDeleteShould we warn all the bus drivers in that braw wee land??!!
This is huge and exciting! I hope to meet up when you return to our shores.
ReplyDeleteLeave Edinburgh it's expensive and a culture shock for you. You will be cold that is for sure compared to what your used to. Good luck if you go through with it, personally I'd be looking for somewhere quiet
ReplyDeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteIndigo - Arey Bhaiyya, I'd say it's a must!!
Bill - you're on my wavelength good sir! Isle of Bute is the hot fave but am finding some bargains surprisingly close to the Auld Reekie... I was there for 7 weeks prior to coming to India and did indeed find it a changed city after 25 years apart - but loved it just the same. I agree expensive though. Quiet is the go. Definitely on for the quiet!!
Ah, a big change indeed! I'll be holding good thoughts for you!! I've made moves like this during my 80 years here on earth, so I can relate!!
ReplyDelete